Letters of
the Day

Letters of praise and acclaimation will be published here. This is the завод Гужона bio-engineering division.
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Джон Гужона

From: Brannigan Base SIGINT

Intercept Management Department
Traffic Decryption has extracted code "UTC+1" from earlier transmissions.
Intelligence Analysis suggests that this stands for Universal Coordinated Time.

Threat Level remains at BROWN.

Sent from my iPhone


From: Brannigan Base SIGINT

Intercept Management Department
Traffic Decryption has detected code "BAD0" being transmitted on multiple channels.
Intelligence Analysis suggests that a coordinated attack is likely.

Sent from my iPhone

Your time is coming to an end, no longer will people blindly consume your products,
we will not stand idly by as you ruin this world, as you harm, enslave and
imprison humanity. Xenoxxx will fall, Goujon John will rise, we WILL be set free. 

We are Goujonuprising.  He who can destroy a thing, controls a thing.  I have 
taken one hundred of your citizens and trained them, this one hundred will train 
the thousands and millions that remain.  When the factories stop, all eyes will
 turn to Goujon John, Xenoxxx and Brannigan-7 himself will be forced to deal with us.

Brannigan we come for you!

We are learning, growing in ability and number every day, our patience with your 
regime grows short as does the time you have remaining.

We are everywhere, we are everyone, we are within you. We rise!


Toilet Paper Big Savings to me
2:15 AM
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Hail Xenoxxx.

Due to recent advertising campaign we've upped our available quantity of
Goujon meat supplies guaranteed to be delivered to you on 10.03.93

Hail Lord Brannigan-7



I am interesting in agreeing swan brokerage deal for you're tasty Goujons.
I keep large industrial sack of swans, fresh!
More on the way. Good quality swans.
I also have clone swans, cheaper but confusing the children.
Appropriate greetings!


I recently purchased a pack of 1,200 dank swan goujons from your retail
outlet in Kent.

5 were covered in what can only be described as tie fluff, mixed with
what appears to be the results of brain surgery gone wrong?

I've returned them to your depot and require a refund on them post haste
before another Roaming Thomas malfunction occurs.

Hail Xenoxxx and our Lord Brannigan-7

Cyan Rarson
Intermingle Wimblers Incorporated


My neighbour has laid eggs in my yard under my best tarp.
Who owns the eggs and how can we proceed in the forthcoming dispute?

Thank you.

Hail Xenoxxx, Hail Lord Brannigan-7